I just want someone to love me.
Maybe that’s melodramatic. There are people who love me, I know. My family. A few of my friends, maybe. They never say it. Is that something that’s not done? I dunno. I feel like a beginner when it comes personal relationships.
But that’s not the love I’m talking about, obviously.
I’ve met guys on here, or other places, and it’s almost always the same. I’m interesting for a few weeks. They’re fun to talk to. And then they just go away. Or they don’t go away, but they start treating you like you’re as interesting the proverbial wall of drying paint.
I’m not the most socially outgoing of people, I know. I never have been. Crowds bother me. I shut down in them when I’m alone. I hate parties, partly because of the crowds, yes, but also because I don’t like enclosed dark spaces, or really loud music. So clubs are out. Bars are okay, I guess. If they’re more laid back. And I hate going with someone because I hate feeling like I have to be babysat.
I know I’m not a boring person. I’m shy, yes. But I make people laugh. I’m supportive and caring. I’m intelligent and knowledgeable.
So I don’t understand what the problem is.
I just want someone, for once, to put his arms around me. Not to initiate sex, as was so often the case with Ruben. Or to let me touch him(lay my head on his shoulder, rest my hand on his leg, etc.) when *gasp* other people are in the room. Someone who isn’t using me just so they can have a boyfriend, or until the person they actually want to be with is available.
Is that so much to ask for?
I don’t think it is.
At least, I never did. Now I’m starting to believe it is.