On today’s installment of Things That Are Obvious In Retrospect:

If your boyfriend utters the words “This was so much easier when you were drunk.” during one of the first few times y’all have sex…

You probably should not be having sex with him.

So I just watched porn.

Specifically a superhero-themed fetish porn.

……

Mind control buttplugs, you guys.

Your phrase for the day is mind control buttplugs.

Haha, it’s so funny that straight guys can joke about having sex with each other when I live in a place where someone could possibly kill me for actually doing the same thing.

Anonymous asked: Very good answer to the 2nd question. I take it you're out then? Next question: In a budding relationship, you want to make sure that you respect each other's space and all that, so at what point do you introduce affection into the relationship and how do you do that?

Yes, I am pretty much out. All my friends and the majority of my family know. Being out is kind of an on-going process.

That’s sort of an odd question.

I’m kinda weird about personal space. If you’re a stranger or I don’t like you, you need to keep back. All the time. My close friends and family, on the other hand, don’t really have limits on how far into my personal space they can get. Unless I clearly want to be left alone, touch, poke, prod, or hug to your heart’s content.

I maintain respectful boundaries around people I’m less comfortable with, or who don’t like their personal space invaded.

That being said, I’m a pretty affectionate person. I like hand-holding and cuddling and casual touching and all that jazz. Assuming there’s no reason not to, I’d “introduce” it basically from the beginning. My ex and I held hands during our first date, and kissed at the end of it. That seems like an acceptable precedent, but then, we’d been talking for hours every day the preceding two weeks.

In short, again, it just depends on the person and how comfortable we are with each other and with the idea of physical affection.

Hope that answers your question!

Anonymous asked: 1st question of honesty hour: Why are you so damn cute? and the 2nd: what do you think about dating closeted individuals?

Your first question made me smile. Thank you! You’re sweet. :)

As for your second…

That’s a hard question to answer. Mostly it would depend on the kind of life we could have.

Could I tell my friends I was dating this hypothetical closeted person? My family? Could he meet my friends and family, if we got to that point? What about his friends? Or the trustworthy members of his family, if they exist? Could we be in public together? By ourselves with no other people? 

I understand how hard(or dangerous, even) it can be to come out, and I would never make that a requirement of dating me. But, at the same time, I can’t and won’t build a secret life with someone. I live in the south, so PDA is pretty much off the table, but I don’t know if I could date someone I had to pretend I was just a friend to all the time, except when we were alone together.

So, my answer isn’t no. It just depends on how things go.

Since I keep seeing posts about it…

I think it’s great Dumbledore is gay. And I don’t think of it as a cop out.

But J.K. Rowling doesn’t get any credit for including gay characters in her novels because she didn’t actually include any canonically gay characters in her novels.

I believe her when she says she wrote Dumbledore as gay from the beginning. Authors know all sorts of details about characters that never make it into the final draft of a story.

I also agree with all of the arguments for the fact that Dumbledore is never explicitly outed in the text. 1) It would have been inappropriate for a man in Dumbledore’s position(and weird, given Dumbledore’s upbringing) to discuss his sexuality with Harry. 2) The romantic history of the professors, save Snape(whose interest in Lily is plot-relevant), is never discussed. 3) The third person narrator is limited to harry’s perception, and therefore cannot give information to the reader that Harry himself doesn’t know. Being a fairly oblivious teenage boy, it’s perfectly normal that Harry wouldn’t question whether Dumbledore is straight or gay.

But there are literally hundreds of students at Hogwarts. Thousands of characters in the HP universe. Not a single one of them is said to be gay. Seamus and Dean could have been gay. What about Justin Finch-Fletchley? Angelina Johnson? Draco Malfoy? Crabbe or Goyle? Oliver Wood? Katie Bell? Percy Weasley(scientific evidence the odds of a boy being gay increases with the number of brothers he has)? Charlie Weasley? One of the Patil twins, Padma or Parvati? Alicia Spinnet? Cedric Diggory? Luna? Mandy Brocklehurst? Susan Bones? Romilda Vane? Moaning Myrtle could have easily had her weird death crush on Hermione instead.

And then there’s the adults: Any of the Death Eaters? Ministry officials? Kingsley Shacklebolt? Ludo Bagman? The numerous named famous Quidditch players?

People talk and gossip. That was literally a part of the plot in Book 2, when Harry overhears them talking about him. There are any number of ways she could have made one or more of her characters gay or lesbian or bi or trans.

She didn’t.

Hundreds of characters. One gay man. Outed by the author. Not in the text.

And that’s really all there is to it.

I had a sex dream this morning.

That’s unusual.

I don’t have sex dreams.

Not since I was like 12 or 13.

And it was with an ugly porn star I saw online two nights ago.

Does it count as not masturbating to porn if you masturbate after you have a dream about porn?

That Chipotle post that is making the rounds(not targeting at anyone specific, seen it like 6 times in the last ten minutes) really fucking irritates me.

I don’t like having a portion of my identity boiled down to buttsex.

screamingcrawfish:

lalondes:

I’m sure you’ve heard the words before - no homo, bromance, girlcrush - terms we insert into dialogue to sanitize any vaguely romantic interaction between two straight people of the same gender.

The implication when we use those words is that it’s somehow inherently bad for a guy to express affection for another guy, or for a girl to think another girl is attractive.

“No homo” is “the idea of being perceived as gay scares me and is unpleasant to me.” 

“Bromance” and “girlcrush” aren’t always as openly homophobic, but there can be times when usage of those terms veers into very problematic territory.

Last night was one of those times.

Did you see the Dirkjake tag just after this morning’s update? Did you see the multiple references to Dirk and Jake as “best bros” and “BFFs” and, yes, “a bromance?” Did you also see the dozens of posters complaining that Dirk/Jake “isn’t canon” and that fangirls were jumping the gun?

What about the Rosemary tag after Rose and Kanaya went on their boozy date in the dark recesses of the meteor? One poster loudly and vocally complained that Rose/Kanaya wasn’t canon because Kanaya “hadn’t returned” the kiss - never mind that Kanaya had called her time with Rose a date and referred to Rose as her girlfriend. In this poster’s mind, fans were, again, jumping the gun, not thinking things through; Rose and Kanaya weren’t actually dating, they were just fooling around.

Let me tell you why that mentality bothers me so much.

I think it’s very easy in this fandom to get caught up in shipping, and arguing about who should date who. You get a lot of very eager, overenthusiastic fangirling whenever characters interact with one another. Some people find that annoying, but I’d wager that, say, being annoyed with Dave/Karkat fans who freak out when their OTP is in the same room is different from being annoyed with Dirk/Jake shippers who are excited because their OTP went and got matching tattoos.

The difference is this: when you say “Davekat fans are making stuff up,” you’re generally right. Dave is dating Terezi. Karkat wants to be dating Terezi. Neither Dave nor Karkat has ever expressed a desire to be in a red romantic relationship with a boy. 

When you say, “Dirkjake fans are making stuff up” or “Dirk and Jake are just best bros,” you’re actually erasing a very important and meaningful part of their relationship in canon: the fact that they are interested in one another romantically.

“I ship Dirk and Jake as bros” erases Jake’s realization that he may have been “being kind of unfair” to Dirk “by saying we would only be a good match if he were a girl, like is that last condition there really all THAT important?”

It erases Dirk’s declaration that he likes boys and that he finds the term “gay” antediluvian and not an accurate descriptor of his queerness.

In short, this “calm down, Dirkjake shippers” frenzy actually minimizes the fact that Dirk and Jake are queer characters who do, in canon, like each other romantically.

It’s fine not to ship Dirk and Jake. What isn’t okay is to belittle their declarations of queerness or their more overtly romantic gestures - like Jake kissing Dirk’s severed head at AR’s request, or Dirk and Jake getting matching tattoos. 

You may not realize it, but there are many queer readers of Homestuck, including myself, who see a bit of themselves in Dirk and Jake, or Rose and Kanaya, and are really, really happy to see relatable gay love stories unfolding between those characters.

When you reduce Rose’s feelings for Kanaya to “aw, cute girlcrush” or Dirk’s feelings for Jake to “what a sweet bromance!” you are queer erasing. You are telling queer readers of Homestuck that their relationships are invalid.

I can tell you right now that as a girl with a girlfriend, I was deeply personally hurt by people who said that Rose and Kanaya were just fooling around or going through a phase. I’m deeply hurt now by people who don’t think that Jake’s feelings for Dirk are anything more than “bromantic.”

Nobody is asking you to ship Dirk/Jake or Rose/Kanaya - if those pairings just don’t float your boat, that’s fine.

All I am asking is that you don’t try to explain away queerness within Homestuck, because doing so indicates that, more than merely not shipping something, the very prospect of two boys or two girls having feelings for one another makes you extremely uncomfortable.

And that’s more serious - and more hurtful - than you might realize.

#thank you #i see all these posts about how dirk and jake are best friends and don’t jump to conclusions #and i’m just like buddy that ship has sailed so to speak #like this is no longer a purely platonic relationship and they both know it #i suggest you come to terms with this its a big part of this whole act #also just pointing out that you make it sound like karkat isn’t a queer character by human standards too and like… he definitely IS?

(Source: lalondes)